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This is Not News: HILARY DUFF GONE WILD, HARRY POTTER TO BARE IT ALL AGAIN, UWE BOLL VERSES THE INTERNET - iFMagazine.com Send to a friend
© 2008 First Look Pictures Hilary Duff in WAR INC.

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This is Not News: HILARY DUFF GONE WILD, HARRY POTTER TO BARE IT ALL AGAIN, UWE BOLL VERSES THE INTERNET

When it comes to reporting the news that shouldn't be covered, we can always count on the media to come through in the end.

By NUTS MCDOUGAL, Columnist
Published 4/10/2008



SCORPION IN THE PANTS IS WORTH TWO IN THE BUSH

I swear these media outlets are giving me another ulcer … oh I already have a grapefruit one eating away at my stomach, don’t get me wrong … but I’m having that same feeling on the other side of my stomach now because these bastards just can’t seem to understand what actually should be reported and what should be considered a non-issue. Sigh … I need a drink.
 
Take the “news” recently about Hilary Duff’s racy and shocking YouTube video where she puts a scorpion down her pants and then has another dude play “Go Fish” and get it out. The thing is … the Internet, entertainment outlets and more have treated this as if she is turning into the new Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears … but guess what, this was a film clip for a movie starring Duff. This is Not News … this is a little something that what we like to call “acting.” Look it up. When you do something on film that goes to a movie theater, that’s called playing a part not actually shaving your head and bashing a car with an umbrella or checking into rehab. It's amazing that media outlets can’t distinguish the difference, is that what it has come down to? Making a big deal over a movie part just because it happens to be racy?
 
(c) 2008 First Look
Apparently, media outlets and Internet sites can no longer distinguish what is considered "acting" from acting like a moron in public.

Beyond that, they made an issue about, oh Duff not being an innocent little girl anymore. What was Duff supposed to do? Stay 14 forever? This ain’t INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE … she’s gonna grow up people and she’s trying to keep her career at the forefront of the industry instead of fade away like numerous other child stars. Here’s another shocking development … that scorpion in her pants, fake! Not a real insect so Duff’s reaction to it … acting! That’s what she gets paid to do … act! Idiots!

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QUIDDITCH, THIS AIN’T
Daniel Radcliffe last year had an eight-week run in London for the role in EQUUS where he not only broke out of his HARRY POTTER mold but broke out of his clothes – baring it all on stage. Now, EQUUS is coming to Broadway and Radcliffe will be once again breaking out his wand and creating all sorts of new spells.
 
(c) 2007 Sue Schneider
Sure he's in a suit here but it seems as if some people want to check out HARRY POTTER's wand up close.

This is Not News! Why? Because he already did it! Anyone wanting to see the little magician naked had the opportunity during his first run and now we are making a big deal about it?! That makes no sense at all, it was news last year when he did it … not now that he is doing it again. I don’t blame Radcliffe who probably doesn’t want to end up like Danny Bonaduce or Punky Brewster or Gary Coleman – struggling to find any work after being pigeonholed as a child actor and nothing more.
 
Besides … are there really that many people that want to see Harry’s Chocolate Frog? That want to witness Harry work his broomstick? Watch him fiddle his every flavor beans? Examine his Sneakoscope? Play hide the unicorn? Put the gob back into GOBLET OF FIRE? Yeah, I didn’t think so … now Hermione Granger … now we’re talking … Hey, she turns 18 next week don’t look at me that way!
 
BOLL FULL OF JELLY
Uwe Boll – a man after my own heart or at least he looks like he is  – is famous producing fine works of art such as ALONE IN THE DARK, BLOODRAYNE, FAR CRY, SEED and the soon to be released onto DVD IN THE NAME THE KING: A DUNGEON SIEGE TALE, all movies based on video games. Now he’s under the gun on the Internet again this time in the form of an online petition trying to get enough signatures in order to convince him not to ever make another movie as long as he lives.  
 
(c) 2006 Sue Schneider
Keep fighting the good fight Herr Boll, I salute you.

This is Not News! This is an outrage! How are wonderful actors such as Tara Reid, Christian Slater, Michael Madsen and Kristanna Loken supposed to find work if they cut the Boll-man off? We’d be sans a handful of actors in Hollywood if he were never able to make ALONE IN THE DARK II or BLOODRAYNE 3 or ZOMBIE MASSACRE ever again.
 
Luckily, some fine humans are fighting back in the form of a pro-Boll petition trying to save his job as an awesome director. So what if there are only 133 signatures on the pro-Boll petition and 140,000 signatures against him making movies – that doesn’t change the fact that this is a genuine American, er German tragedy! The state of video game movies would forever be changed for the worse and we’d only get high budget, high production valued movies such as RESIDENT EVIL, HITMAN and DOOM. And no one wants that … you don’t want that, I don’t want that and I have to imagine even these vile Internet bullies don’t want that either.

Reader Comments

martha from barcelona sez....
hilary i´m not speak english because i´m from spain but... i loved you´re music and you
4/15/2008 1:01:19 PM

whitney from ny sez....
hilary you are my favourite singer
4/15/2008 12:52:38 PM

Peter from QLD sez....
Thank you so much you just proved something that is so fucking true OMG when will the fucking Media Grow up :)
4/13/2008 6:49:48 AM

Mike from NY sez....
I love HIlary DUff
4/12/2008 7:47:35 AM

abc from xyz sez....
THE AUTHOR--- YOU ARE SUCH A %^&^%&^% (*&(*& $%#%#%$ FUCKKKKKKKKING BASTARD, HAHAHAHHAHHA FUCKERCUKERFUCKER :)
4/11/2008 8:07:03 PM

justin from usa sez....
its just a movie relax stop picking on her!...
4/10/2008 6:34:54 PM

jaime from U.S sez....
actually the scorpion was real
4/10/2008 4:40:55 AM

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