By EMERSON PARKER, Contributing Writer
Published 11/4/2009
I find it hilarious that MELROSE PLACE is changing things up in the new year and eliminating two of its characters and taking a more “lighter feel” than the current show we are seeing with a murder investigation, a snobby and slimy publicist, a hot and cold relationship, a struggling chef, a moonlighting hooker and a crazy waitress.
I mean, what’s not to like? TOP CHEF rip-offs, female pimps, lame photography plotlines every week, stupid everyone’s-a-murder-suspect-because-we-want-to-create-false-suspense storyline, annoying couple make-ups/fighting/more make-ups/more fighting and absolutely atrocious acting.
I wish I were joking.
If this is supposed to be a guilty pleasure, why do I feel like I’m being unjustly tortured?
I never really watched the first go-around of MELROSE PLACE, but I remember hearing about all the crazy and ludicrous plotlines that they had over and over again. What we see here is just lame and not at all controversial or even entertaining.
“Gower” was just more of the same. Oh no, Ella (Katie Cassidy) discovered that Lauren (Stephanie Jacobsen) is a hooker. Whatever will we do. D’oh, Jonah (Michael Rady) kissed a girl to get back at Riley (Jessica Lucas – still the hottest piece of ass on the show, which is saying something given all the hotties in the cast). The emotional drama just drips. Uh oh, David (Shaun Sipos) thinks he killed Sydney (again). Now every single cast member has had a flash back as the killer. Maybe they all did it? Aw shucks, Auggie (Colin Egglesfield) just punched out his chef boss. Guess he’s back to dishwasher status. Oops now Auggie thinks he killed Sydney (again). I suppose they really did just get all drunk and stab the bitch. Oh great, Violet (Ashlee Simpson Wentz) just can’t stop f***ing anything the moves. Why does it burn when they all pee?
Sure this is drama, but it is artificial and do we even care? Who is invested in these penny-arcade characters whose personalities are as thin as paper? It isn’t like you have a Jack Bauer (24) or a John Locke (LOST) or the Winchester Brothers (SUPERNATURAL) or even a Susan Mayer (DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES). There is no emotional investment here at all.
Now, I’ll give MELROSE this much. It sure isn’t bad to look at. Lucas, Cassiday, Jacobsen and even Simpson-Wentz are totally balls to the wall hot. That alone gives it the eye candy factor which is enough to carry it somewhat, but after a while (and we are at that point now) even that isn’t enough.
Reader Comments
Larry Fleming from Atlanta, Ga sez.... Emerson, your problem is that you are not watching it upside down like Dan from Australia... I haven't watched a full episode in some time. I channel surf, stop to watch and remember why I don't watch anymore. Good review
11/4/2009 9:50:48 AM
Dan from Australia sez.... You're a dick! The show is awesome and gets better each week! You sound bitter for some reason. Maybe you should stop bagging out good shows and get a real job.
11/4/2009 5:10:04 AM